You Were Taught It Was Sin—But It Might Be Trauma

Does This Sound Like You?

Are you a first daughter or overly responsible?  Have you been brought up in Pentecostal or evangelical spaces? You may notice that you rely heavily on the concept of sin as a way to understand the struggles you face. 

Why We Default to “Sin”

Here are some reasons for this:

1) When you have an overly developed sense of responsibility you are more likely to see faults and flaws over your strengths and capabilities.

2) Also in these types of Christian spaces there we tend to give a lot of focus to personal sin over communal or institutional sin and personal responsibility over systemic issues which can leave us more vulnerable for someone like you who already takes on too many faults to take on even more.

3) We also have lost touch with the creation story and how it starts in eden where everything is good. Somewhere along the line, the emphasis became about the fall so this idea that we are inherently flawed became centre stage.

Why This Matters for Trauma Survivors

The impact of this is that we are prone to see the ways that we fail more often than the ways we succeed in doing good. We are also more likely to expect to do bad and feel rotten to the core. I cannot emphasise the damage that does to someone who has already experienced childhood trauma. And who needs no help feeling bad about themselves. 

An Example: When You’re Hurt, What Do You Do?

Let’s put this in context and think of an example. So if someone hurts my feelings or is rude, you might be more likely to focus on what you did wrong to ‘cause this to happen’ or may be likely to try to squash the feeling of hurt or disappointment and over focus on ‘getting the sin out of your heart’. You may also miss things like any power dynamics at play that may allow mistreatment to happen and stay too long in systems that allow and perpetuate harm thinking that you can change it. Or you may struggle to establish boundaries in relationships thinking that if you adapt or change the other person will treat you better. You can really see how this is a really ripe set up for abuse, mistreatment, low self esteem.

Let’s Talk About Wounds Instead

I want to offer another way of thinking about flaws and faults that might be more helpful.  Instead of thinking only about sin I want you to consider ‘Where have I been wounded?’  And I want you to think bigger than 1:1 interactions. So instead of saying, "How have I sinned, or what have I done wrong? I want you to ask yourself, Where have I been wounded? I want you to consider ‘how might what this person has said or done poked an unhealed wound that I already have’. Or if it is you that has done something wrong, I want you to ask ‘how might my behaviour stem from one of my unhealed wounds?’ 

Talking about wounds allows us to be curious and allows us to move closer to the issue to inspect and actually take stock of what is going on. Whereas too much focus on ‘sin’ or being too quick to label everything sin and really shuts the conversation down and leaves us stuck in cycles of more self-criticism, more perfectionism and more striving. 

Resources for a Gentler Path

If you want some resources to help you consider other ways of understanding human struggles. There are 2 books I can recommend:

The first is “Good, Beautiful and Kind: Becoming Whole in a Fractured World” by Rich Villodas. This is a great resource if you want a book that uses a theological framework to explore this topic in more depth. It’s great if you are seeking ways to support yourself that are grounded in theology and particularly pentecostal or evangelical theology that you are already used to. This can help to make the discussion feel less scary as there is already a level of familiarity.

However, if you have experienced spiritual abuse, spiritual trauma, church hurt, you may not want to hear about theological ideas right now and this is totally understandable. It is really important to go at a gentle pace and take what you need from resources that feel safe. This is part of listening to your body and honouring your limits. Thai is so important if your limits and boundaries have been violated in the past. It is a crucial part of the healing process that not every one understands. 

If you are looking for something less heavy on theology and more about helping you make sense of the ways your context has impacted you, I recommend “Homecoming” by Dr Thema Bryant. She does reference God but leaves much more room for you to dictate what this means to you. I love how she uses the idea of coming home to yourself to make sense of issues like trauma and patterns like perfectionism. She doesn’t shy away from inviting the reader to take accountability for themselves but holds this in tension with taking into account one’s family of origin, environment and systemic factors. This is so crucial for people who struggle with perfectionism, self-criticism and taking too much responsibility. 

You Deserve Support That Sees the Whole You

If you would like some support on your journey from a culturally sensitive therapist who is able to hold the complexities of issues related to perfectionism and faith, book an intro call with me. I would love to support you.